IN A DESERT

What did I do wrong to deserve this kind of destiny?
What do I have to do that my life would be better?
While I'm writing this letter,
I feel like God has abandoned me.
And at the same time He is telling me,
"that you just only have to keep believing me."
I'm in a desert and there's no way out.
I shout: "ok, just tell me what to do and please let me out!"
I'm suffering and I feel that I'm suffocating.
Sand is burning under my feet and I'm thinking:
"if I could even get some sleep."
I just keep dreaming about having a better life.
If I could just peek on the other side of the curtain.
I just want to see, is there any hope for me.
And God is telling me again: "my child, believe in me."
I'm impatient, but yet still I'm waiting.
I'm waiting goodness from my God,
although it's very hard.
And again I'm praying my God.
Waiting and knowing deep in my heart,
that light will appear trough all this dark.

-Viveka.B.-

I STILL HAVE HOPE

Ugly words, rolling in my mind.
Confusing mind makes me so blind.
Sometimes I lose my way and I'm completely lost.
My heart is surrounded by the frost.
Cold breath, but I'm still breathing.
Truth is one thing, what I've been seeking for so long.
Hope is something that makes me feel strong.
Footprints in the snow are fading away.
I can't go back, but I can't stay.
I lay down my pride, Jesus stay by my side.
Death is close, it's everywhere.
It tries to kill me when you're not there.
Once again I pray: "give me your peace",
so this life wouldn't feel so dark than it seems.
And I stay here, nothing left but hope.
And by holding that, it's the only way I can cope.

SÄRKYNYT SYDÄN

Herää aamuyöllä, ei taaskaan unta saa.
On kaikki muut jo kauan aikaa sitten menneet nukkumaan.
Pihalla sataa lunta, tyttö ei saa unta.
Katsoo pihalle lumihiutaleiden tanssia.
Painaa huulet jäätyneeseen ikkunaan,
muistot alkaa taas mieleen palaamaan.
Ei voi tunteitaan aina kieltää,
ei pysty salaamaan.
Ilma tuntuu raskaalta, taas alkaa ahdistaa.
Kyyneleet kostuttaa ihoa,
hän kuiskaa: "sua yhä rakastan."
Kuvittelen taas sut vierelle,
annoithan kerran tilaa tälle sydämelle pienelle.
Kosketan poskeasi ja saatan tuntea taas sydämen sykkeesi.
Hengityksesi elvyttää mut jälleen,
tuo tunne saa mut aina yhtä hämilleen.
Kunpa voisit olla taas tässä kokonaan.
Kunpa pystyisin ajassa taakse palaamaan.
Hetki kuluu, sä oot taas poissa.
Mutta elän yhä siinä toivossa,
että voin vielä nähdä sut kerran.
Saanhan uneksia edes sen verran.
Aika parantaa särkyneen, niin sanotaan.
Sä annoit mulle voimaa,
niin et pystyn siihen taas uskomaan.

PEACE

Today I cried again, but this time the reason was different.
I cried because everything looked so beautiful,
and the wound seemed so invisible.
I cried cause I was so happy.
And I realized that I can see,
beautiful things around me.
And I felt that I could be,
just a little more free.
I also realized, that I can see behind these blind eyes.

Today I laughed without no reason.
It felt so good, that maybe I should thank God for that.
That I don't feel so sad anymore.
I feel that I can really breathe again, 
but then on the other hand..
it's still there.
The wound is still there, but I don't care.
I won't let it kill me.
I won't let it have me.
I will just stand still,
wait in silence for His will.

MY FATHER

Today I smiled,
I felt like a little child.
I felt that there's a peace in my heart now.
I used to be wild and my heart was broken,
I was trapped in a sorrow which I thought 
there was no end.
But my dear Father in heaven,
took away my sorrow,
and he wiped away my tears and
all the horror from my mind.
He broke the chains from my life,
and he took away that painful knife
from my heart.
He collected all the pieces and put them
back together.
I don't never want to go back to where I was.
My Father made me whole again,
and I want to tell you, 
that there is also hope for you my friend.

MY WAY

I had my own way, but I lost it.
It cost me a lot.
Now I'm a little child who's on her own.
And who is desperately trying to find her home.
So what can I say, I lost the way.
I lost my shoes and now I'm walking with barefoot.
I lost my map and my hands are filled with all kinds of crap,
please, could you come and take me back.
Take me back to home, that's the place where I wanna go.
And show me the way, just take my hand,
show me how to stand.
Take me trough the horror and pain,
and show me, there's no reason to afraid.
Cause it's only You I follow, my dear Lord Jesus.
Cause You, are the only reason.
For you I wanna live and give all what's in me.
You, are the one for me.

BUTTERFLY

I am a butterfly, but I can't fly.
Someone broke my wings, now I can only cry.
The pain is so deep that all I want is die.
Unless you don't carry me through, lets fly together
'til we reach the moon.
Catch me when I fall, hear me when I call you.
Love me, like no-one else does and tell me,
there is no rush away.
When you're there, I feel the peace and release from these chains.
When you're there, you bring the light and all the darkness just wants to hide.
There is no-one else like you are,
and even though you seem so far..
You will be always close to my heart.